QUEER ME UP Optimum Gay Culture 
Reignites Interest in the Lives of the Hollywood Legends
Mommie Smearest opens with Joan Crawford seducing her way out of going to Hell where she is expected “for reasons well known to her.” To escape Hell’s punishment of “…endless newsreels of Kardashian interviews and Donald Trump policy statements”, Joan must return to Earth to both explain her Mommie Dearest sins and perform good works. Most importantly, she must rescue true celebrity status from today’s tweet-built reality starlets, politicians, and civilian wannabes.
From a secret base in a Florida trailer park, Joan gets to work, launching a raucous plot line that parodies today’s quasi celebs while saluting the unpretentious underdogs and illustrating Joan’s steadfast support of the LGBT community.
As part of Joan’s good works, she plots to unmask a tweeting orange-haired real-estate executive and fraud she labels “Humpty Dumpty in a Miniskirt.”
Through the pages of Mommie Smearest, Joan stalks her pompous prey through phony-fab locales including professional football stadiums, boardrooms, Trump Tower, and the New York Times social columns. In between her squabbles, she offers hilarious flashbacks from her own life, including a never-revealed audition for TV’s The Brady Bunch, and “Monster Dearest: Keeping Up with the Crawfords,” a feature-length lie in which Joan sort of, but not really, explains the scientific basis of her commitment to high standards.
Mommie Smearest is available now on Amazon and other major platforms, and in print. Joan Crawford’s first music video, “Bitch…Selfie Ain’t Make You No Movie Star”, is also available on iTunes and viewable on YouTube. Voiced by celebrity impersonator Bonnie Kilroe, Joan performs as the rap artist m.o.m.m.i.e.D.
